"The Hardest Part Of Living Is Loving"

I was aware of her, even interested. I am not certain of the first time that I heard her sing, but I am fairly sure that it was on the Academy Awards show. She performed her Oscar-nominated song “A Soft Place to Fall.” Now either before or after that, I purchased the soundtrack from The Horse Whisperer, which had featured the song. The soundtrack was an absolute alt-country jackpot with performances by Steve Earle, Lucinda Williams, and Dwight Yoakum (just to name a few). But now, thinking back … I think I had first noticed Allison Moorer by catching her video for “Set You Free,” a smoky break-up song that was featured on her debut Alabama Song. And I believe I noted how similar her voice was to the amazing Shelby Lynne. To my un-astonishment, I found out later that they were sisters.

In any event, I did not purchase Alabama Song then.

But when The Hardest Part was released, I purchase it as soon as it was available. On the strength of hearing “A Soft Place to Fall” and seeing the video for “Set You Free” only once, I was compelled to grab her second offering. Well, those earlier brushes with her music plus some incredible photography on the CD case. On the front cover, Allison was lying on a black hardwood floor in a spaghetti-strap top, her fair locks spilled around her head, her porcelain skin illuminating the darkness. The back cover: Allison leaning slightly forward in a doorway, her red hair framing a beautiful face, blue eyes piercing the air. She was my dreamgirl.

Ok…to the music…

At first listen, I was deceived a bit. Starting with a lone fiddle with a mandolin, acoustic guitar and brushes on the drum joining in after the intro bar, The Hardest Part begins with the title track. Sounding like dancehall music from western Kentucky. You could think of Loretta Lynn or Kitty Wells and not be too far off the mark.

The hardest part of living is loving
'Cause loving turns to leaving every time

With its lovelorn lyrics, the song establishes the mood for the entire set. But not musically.  The ride was going to be a bit more full than the simple hillbilly waltz of the title song.

Southern-fried slow guitar chords open “Day You Said Goodbye” with Moorer singing slow and easy. Half-way through the first verse, easy background vocals, bass guitar and drums fill out the arrangement. But the song opens wider in the chorus with a jam-packed backing of organ, piano and harmonica added to the mix. The song sounds like it could have been in the softer segment of the canons of Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Outlaws or some Deep-South outfit.

I’d rather die than face a new day
'Cause I always wake to find
That I'm feeling just as lonely
As the day you said goodbye

Allison sings this mid-tempo burner with soul and depth, trying to woo her love back to her.

Which bring us to the easy groove of “It’s Time I Tried,” the first of the songs on the recording that earned Allison comparisons to Dusty Springfield back in her Memphis period (Allison's sister Shelby would later record an entire album of Dusty songs). "It's Time I Tried" eases in on a descending bass slide, a clocklike backbeat, an easy steel and random guitar licks. Throw in some sweet strings at the chorus, and it’s a thrilling little song. At the bridge, Allison echoes herself by talking the lyrics as she sings them:

All I do is long for you
When I turn out the lights
‘Cause nothing’s left but loneliness
To hold onto at night

.
And the song comes to an end with sustained sweet strings.

The Dusty influence is manifested on the following song as well, "Best That I Can Do." It is another song of resignation over a broken heart that will not heal, which Allison sings with warmth.

Someday I’ll do better but ‘til then,
I can’t let you know how hurt I’ve been.
I wish I had you back with me
But I won’t play on your sympathy
To get you in my arms once again.

The interplay of the steel, the lead guitar and the strings in the instrumental break borders on enthralling.

The song “Think It Over” comes next with one of my favorite moments of the recording. In a fragment of studio banter prior to the start of the music, Allison says “Wait…let me get the sweat off my fingers…” (but she says ‘fangers’ like a good Southern girl). In the boogie-groove of the song, she calls a man out for the dog that he is:

I know why you cheat on me,
(Always running round and round)
Every time I turn my back.
(You’ll never change)
Every woman loves a bit differently
(But hurts the same);
That’s what keeps you going,
That’s what keeps you trapped.

The song rips past on a track of spite and anger.  Sorta like her version of "These Boots Are Made for Walking"

The only true love song of the set, “Bring Me All Your Lovin’” makes up for the bile and blues of all the other heartbreakers. The song is so sublime that Trisha Yearwood covered it for her Where Your Road Leads CD (where Trisha had the incomparable Buddy Miller harmonizing with her). The song speaks to a lover in simple terms offering an insight on just how easy it is to keep the singer satisfied.

There’s nothing at the Five and Dime that I really need.
Your kiss is the only gift that means a thing to me.

And another Dusty song follows. The slow shuffle “Is It Worth It” outlines the end of a dying relationship. Again, Allison sounds prepared to accept the fact that the end of the line has been reached.

Is it worth the both of us staying?
If you think so, then you’re the only one.

Not stated with a swagger, but with a shrug.

The incredible “Send Down an Angel” comes next. In a perfect world, this song would have topped the country charts and crossed over to big success on the pop charts as well (it could have happened in the late 70s or early 80s). Beginning with a straightforward piano accompanied by a mellotron (played by the late musical genius Jay Bennett, formerly of Wilco), the song builds, layer upon layer of organ, guitar, steel, strings, until Allison's full-throated prayer for relief from a bad match descends into a sigh at the end. It’s the type of song that one could imagine Tammy Wynette or even Martina McBride having a go at. The song continues the theme of “Think It Over,” but instead of pointing the finger, the lyrics here take an introspective slant:

When it comes to love, I’m in the dark.
I don’t understand
Why I stand by my man.
All he’s ever done is break my heart.

I can’t find the answer by myself.
I need help.

The recording moves along to the walking rhythm of “No Next Time,” where Allison lays down the law to her man (played here by Lonesome Bob, the gruff-voice country guy harmonizing). The final straw has broken the back, and the musical confrontation marches along for over six minutes. Bob sings in the final chorus with Allison joining in on a vaguely mocking tone:

I didn’t mean to break your heart
I apologize
If you’ll just give me one more chance
They’ll be no next time
I promise I will never break your heart again.

And you know by her resolve, that there indeed will not be an “again.”

The set ends with the only other love song on the CD. “Feeling That Feeling Again.” So maybe there will be a “next time.” This song covers the old ground of terminating a relationship and realizing that everything is wrong with the ending.

I thought I had put it behind me
I guess that why I’m so surprised
That my heart started racing
When I ran into you tonight

And just like love that so many have experienced, it’s a big circle: the thrill that sustains us through “Bring My All Your Loving,” the anger and realization of “Think It Over,” the heartbreak of “Day You Said Goodbye,” the loneliness of “Send Down An Angel.”

But the set does not really end with “Feeling That Feeling Again.” There is a hidden untitled song at the end of the CD. The song is simply a strummed guitar, a cello and Allison singing, recounting the true story of the murder/suicide that took her parents lives. For its length, the brief song shows you exactly from where she and her sister Shelby came.

Although their respective music careers have taken them on vastly different courses, I continue to follow the music of both women. The hardest part of living may be loving.  But loving Allison Moorer's music is the easiest part of all.

"Could You Tell Me Why I Feel So Sad about It?"

Something bad happened. I read that it was personal. I read that it was professional. I read that it was romantic. Without sounding cruel, I’m glad “it” happened (whatever "it" was). Everything Changed came from that something bad.

I lived in California back then. My partner (at that time) and I traveled from Los Angeles to the Bay Area to visit his son and daughter-in-law and to see her string quartet perform at Berkeley. And on that trip, we visited Amoeba Music. Abra Moore had just released her third solo album, so it was on the new release endcap at the store and on sale. I picked it up. I had her previous album Strangest Places (I got it as a freebee from working in a music store a few years earlier). I enjoyed that CD, mainly due to songs like the sweet “Your Faithful Friend,” the burning “Never Believe You Now,” and the pop syrup of “Four-Leaf Clover.” I liked the CD.  I only liked it.

On the drive back to Los Angeles, we took the Pacific Coast highway. I think we alternated between only two discs on the way home. The Original Cast Recording of Promises, Promises, the Broadway show by Bert Bacharach, which featured the first appearance of the Dionne Warwick classic “I’ll Never Fall in Love Again” (my then-partner's choice), and my choice, the new Abra Moore disc.

While I did have to endure the Broadway recording in intervals, Everything Changed was the perfect soundtrack for the ride along the cliffs of the coast. The album opens with “I Do” like the horizon over the ocean: the hum of a keyboard chords joined by arpeggios on a synthesizer, then additional broken chords on the piano and ascending scales on a muted horn … like the sky opening up. Abra sings softly at first with her voice breaking slightly when the music swells and the chorus begins. She sings to assure that she understands and will always be there. To whom? I’m not sure. Friend? Lover? Family? Not important, I suppose. The song is a wonderful start to the set. Abra is there for you.

The next song “No Fear” starts with a spare arrangement of beats and padded chords with an almost hip-hop groove that continues through the drowsy first verse with Abra singing solo. At the chorus, the song opens just a bit wider with added background and echoed vocals and a rich arrangement with full strings and stronger beats. The languor returns on the second verse, but in the second chorus the song builds again to the bridge (the boldest part of the song). The groove of the song was a perfect accompaniment to the white-knuckle drive high above the ocean. Again, Abra sings a song about how you can rely on her.

Which brings us to “Big Sky.” This song begins with Abra softly alternating between two notes with her voice, with a guitar chiming in softly, picking out complementary notes. Then an electric guitar propels the song to its true start where the piano, bass and drums join in. The people of EA games had Abra re-record the song in Simlish (the “fake” language used in Sims) so it could be added to the game. The song really does sound like pure joy.

Did I start this post saying that something bad must have happened? Sounds pretty rosy so far, huh? Here’s where it all appears to have fallen apart … and it must have been painful…

Like “I Do” and “Big Sky” before it, “If You Want Me To” seems to materialize out of nowhere with a swelling sustained chord that is joined by a plucked guitar alternating between notes and perfectly sweet strings. Abra’s soft voice starts with:

If you want me to
I’ll lie about the way it really feels
And if you want me to
I’ll turn around and forget the whole deal

It’s a heartbreaking moment. The love and dedication offered in the first three songs was misspent.
She sings:

‘Cause I followed you
Just the way that you wanted me to
And you reached out your hand and took hold
Then you let go

I’ve fallen in love with you
And it just burns

Ouch...

“If You Want Me To” is followed by the explanation of “Taking Chances.” Abra outlines what got her to this point of emotional catastrophe. And how simple and reasonable her romantic demands truly are.

Bad love is bad love. “Melancholy Love” You can already tell that this is not going to go well. The song sounds light and charming with its skittering beats and light keyboard touches, but take a listen to the lyrics…

Well, I’ll meet you in the middle
And I’ll crawl to the edge
And I’ll stand there forever
Just to see if I can
And I’ll cry a river
As I lay in your bed

No, no, no … Abra. This is not good for you. But at least she realizes it; later she sings:

We were running wild and young
It was only just for fun
Wasn’t It?
This melancholy love

Could you tell me why I feel so sad about it?

“Family Affair” starts with just piano and Abra’s singing:

I sleep all day
What makes me feel this way?
And everything’s a bust.

What happened to the Abra who was singing so happily for “Big Sky”?

“Pull Away” – piano, soft strings and Abra singing. More despair.

…will we let go slow...?

“The End” – acoustic guitar and Abra singing. More hopelessness.

…no reason to pretend anymore…

“Everything Changed” – piano and Abra singing. More anguish.

…I’m standing in the shower. I’m crying…

“Paint on Your Wings” – guitar and Abra singing. More pain. But this time, Abra appears to be singing her father to sleep for his last time.

Waiting for you to let it all go
To give up this fight
You’re finally going to know
What’s on the other side

Sweet, but still heartbreaking.

“I Win” – piano, strings and Abra singing. More resignation.

O.K. I win,
You finally lost me
You’re letting me go
I’m walking away

…I can’t get you out of my heart.

And after all that heartbreak… with the final song “Shining Star,” it seems like she’s worked through it all and has come to a beautiful realization:

As blind as I am
As cruel as you are
I always thought
You’d be my shining star

You keep calling me back to you
But what are friends for?
What if I travel around the world
And only see your face?

The music is joyful again and resolved. But it was a long trip getting there.

I cannot play her CDs around "The Man" anyway. Like I’ve said before, Abra breaks his little-girl-voice rule.  But I do listen to the CD often; it is on my iPod and the CD lives in my pick-up.  Frankly, it's a rare occasion that I can listen to this CD all the way through.  I can usually make it to “Melancholy Love” before it starts to get unbearable. Not the music, but the mood. The emotion that saturates the songs from “Family Affair” through “I Win” is overwhelming sad.

I’ve only been through one break-up since this CD was introduced into my collection. And to be honest, for a couple of months I listened to a lot of those Everything Changed heartbreakers. But that’s why people need music like this.

So Abra … I’m sorry you had to go through it. But … thank you so much for sharing it with us.

"Don't It Always Seem to Go..."

While not my most favorite Joni Mitchell CD, Ladies of the Canyon is the first recording of hers that I bought strictly because I wanted to hear Joni’s voice and music. I purchased this CD after listening to a lot of Blue (my favorite Joni disc). But I was stuck in Connecticut visiting the man that I was dating at the time, and I was without Blue.

The boyfriend had an appointment with a doctor (or an attorney or a dentist or an accountant – I don’t really remember). What I do remember is deep snow everywhere, and as a southern boy, I felt quite a bit out of my element. So I dropped him at his appointment and headed for shelter. And my idea of shelter is always some place where they sell music.

The nearest music retail was a local Barnes & Noble or Borders or something like that. Book, coffee bar, music … you know the place. I skipped the books (I’m sure that I had some Faulkner with me anyway), I skipped the coffee (these folks wouldn’t make the brew Louisiana-strong to my taste), I headed directly to the music section.

I found the Joni Mitchell recordings. I sure that they had Court and Spark, For the Roses, or Mingus (most music retail during that time, 10 years ago, stocked those), but I grabbed Ladies of the Canyon. I at least knew a couple of songs on the disc. I purchased it and headed back to my boyfriend’s vehicle to relax and wait on his call to retrieve him.

As soon as I plugged the CD into the player, I knew that I had made the right choice.

The recording begins with a gently-picked guitar and Joni’s easy soprano singing the first verse. Throughout that first stanza, it is just the guitar and her clear voice, describing a small town scene at morning time. At the first occurrence of the chorus, a piano joins in, stepping into the spotlight with individual notes. Joni’s voice rises higher on the chorus, and then the piano fades at the beginning of the second verse … leaving the simple plucked guitar and Joni’s voice to again take over. “Morning Morgantown” repeats this pattern until its end, and it matched the sleepy snow-covered western Connecticut village perfectly. I probably listened to the song twice before moving on to the next one.

“For Free,” a song where Joni contrasts a street clarinetist with herself, starts with a solo piano (always pleasing to me). The song is a simple story with a spare arrangement with the piano, a solo violin, an acoustic bass, and eventually, a clarinet solo at the end. This song too fit the winter mood brilliantly.

After the quiet and unhurried first two songs, “Conversation” picks up the tempo just a bit. Still with just a straightforward strummed guitar, and a great little story about an infatuation with a married man. Joni performs some vocal acrobatics at the end of the song with the arrangement swelling to include her own background vocals (sounding a bit like the “colored-girls” on Lou Reed’s “Walk on the Wide Side”).

I certain that the boyfriend must have called at this point, because of all the songs on the disc, these three still have the biggest impact. Now, I know that there are other great songs on the disc: “Willy” is a wonderfully sweet love song, where Joni’s voice is only supported by piano. Her version of “Woodstock” is here and beautiful: this song that she wrote with perfect imagery about the music festival from only hearing about the experiences of her friends, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young – who eventually recorded the tune. “The Arrangement,” the sad recount of an unconventional relationship hit a little too close to home for me regarding my current circumstances with the Connecticut boyfriend. “Rainy Night House” is a magnificent song that really should be listened to on a rainy night with a candle burning. The title song is rather pretty, a love song to Joni’s women friends in Laurel Canyon, with a charming melody and a sugary chorus. “The Priest” presents itself as an archetypal minor-key folk song, even if the lyrics are somewhat avant-garde.

The majority of the recording is fairly somber, as you may have picked up from my descriptions of some of the songs so far. But remember, this CD is the one that introduced us to a couple of Joni classics: the charming “The Circle Game,” (which has been covered by artists like Harry Belafonte, Tom Rush and Buffy Sainte-Marie) and the joyous environmentally-challenged break-up song “Big Yellow Taxi” (brought back to the charts most famously by Counting Crows – up to #5 on the Adult Top 40)

The Joni version of “Big Yellow Taxi” is absolutely supreme, with its driving guitar strums, pulsing island rhythms, comic lyrics and 60’s-style girl-group background vocals. But I don’t have to tell you that, if you have heard the recording. Nobody does this song like Joni, including the seemingly-forced cackle at the end that dissolves into giggles.

The Connecticut boyfriend and I ended the relationship shortly after I bought this recording. It ended with my receiving a box of everything that I had ever given him along with a note that said “Auf Wiedersehen … Better Luck Next Time” I really didn’t mind. I think I threw everything in the trash. But I certainly still have that copy of Ladies of the Canyon that I purchased in New England.

I have the album on my iPod, of course. I still can’t listen to it while The Man is in the truck with me…

Joni and I will win him over yet.