"Could You Tell Me Why I Feel So Sad about It?"

Something bad happened. I read that it was personal. I read that it was professional. I read that it was romantic. Without sounding cruel, I’m glad “it” happened (whatever "it" was). Everything Changed came from that something bad.

I lived in California back then. My partner (at that time) and I traveled from Los Angeles to the Bay Area to visit his son and daughter-in-law and to see her string quartet perform at Berkeley. And on that trip, we visited Amoeba Music. Abra Moore had just released her third solo album, so it was on the new release endcap at the store and on sale. I picked it up. I had her previous album Strangest Places (I got it as a freebee from working in a music store a few years earlier). I enjoyed that CD, mainly due to songs like the sweet “Your Faithful Friend,” the burning “Never Believe You Now,” and the pop syrup of “Four-Leaf Clover.” I liked the CD.  I only liked it.

On the drive back to Los Angeles, we took the Pacific Coast highway. I think we alternated between only two discs on the way home. The Original Cast Recording of Promises, Promises, the Broadway show by Bert Bacharach, which featured the first appearance of the Dionne Warwick classic “I’ll Never Fall in Love Again” (my then-partner's choice), and my choice, the new Abra Moore disc.

While I did have to endure the Broadway recording in intervals, Everything Changed was the perfect soundtrack for the ride along the cliffs of the coast. The album opens with “I Do” like the horizon over the ocean: the hum of a keyboard chords joined by arpeggios on a synthesizer, then additional broken chords on the piano and ascending scales on a muted horn … like the sky opening up. Abra sings softly at first with her voice breaking slightly when the music swells and the chorus begins. She sings to assure that she understands and will always be there. To whom? I’m not sure. Friend? Lover? Family? Not important, I suppose. The song is a wonderful start to the set. Abra is there for you.

The next song “No Fear” starts with a spare arrangement of beats and padded chords with an almost hip-hop groove that continues through the drowsy first verse with Abra singing solo. At the chorus, the song opens just a bit wider with added background and echoed vocals and a rich arrangement with full strings and stronger beats. The languor returns on the second verse, but in the second chorus the song builds again to the bridge (the boldest part of the song). The groove of the song was a perfect accompaniment to the white-knuckle drive high above the ocean. Again, Abra sings a song about how you can rely on her.

Which brings us to “Big Sky.” This song begins with Abra softly alternating between two notes with her voice, with a guitar chiming in softly, picking out complementary notes. Then an electric guitar propels the song to its true start where the piano, bass and drums join in. The people of EA games had Abra re-record the song in Simlish (the “fake” language used in Sims) so it could be added to the game. The song really does sound like pure joy.

Did I start this post saying that something bad must have happened? Sounds pretty rosy so far, huh? Here’s where it all appears to have fallen apart … and it must have been painful…

Like “I Do” and “Big Sky” before it, “If You Want Me To” seems to materialize out of nowhere with a swelling sustained chord that is joined by a plucked guitar alternating between notes and perfectly sweet strings. Abra’s soft voice starts with:

If you want me to
I’ll lie about the way it really feels
And if you want me to
I’ll turn around and forget the whole deal

It’s a heartbreaking moment. The love and dedication offered in the first three songs was misspent.
She sings:

‘Cause I followed you
Just the way that you wanted me to
And you reached out your hand and took hold
Then you let go

I’ve fallen in love with you
And it just burns

Ouch...

“If You Want Me To” is followed by the explanation of “Taking Chances.” Abra outlines what got her to this point of emotional catastrophe. And how simple and reasonable her romantic demands truly are.

Bad love is bad love. “Melancholy Love” You can already tell that this is not going to go well. The song sounds light and charming with its skittering beats and light keyboard touches, but take a listen to the lyrics…

Well, I’ll meet you in the middle
And I’ll crawl to the edge
And I’ll stand there forever
Just to see if I can
And I’ll cry a river
As I lay in your bed

No, no, no … Abra. This is not good for you. But at least she realizes it; later she sings:

We were running wild and young
It was only just for fun
Wasn’t It?
This melancholy love

Could you tell me why I feel so sad about it?

“Family Affair” starts with just piano and Abra’s singing:

I sleep all day
What makes me feel this way?
And everything’s a bust.

What happened to the Abra who was singing so happily for “Big Sky”?

“Pull Away” – piano, soft strings and Abra singing. More despair.

…will we let go slow...?

“The End” – acoustic guitar and Abra singing. More hopelessness.

…no reason to pretend anymore…

“Everything Changed” – piano and Abra singing. More anguish.

…I’m standing in the shower. I’m crying…

“Paint on Your Wings” – guitar and Abra singing. More pain. But this time, Abra appears to be singing her father to sleep for his last time.

Waiting for you to let it all go
To give up this fight
You’re finally going to know
What’s on the other side

Sweet, but still heartbreaking.

“I Win” – piano, strings and Abra singing. More resignation.

O.K. I win,
You finally lost me
You’re letting me go
I’m walking away

…I can’t get you out of my heart.

And after all that heartbreak… with the final song “Shining Star,” it seems like she’s worked through it all and has come to a beautiful realization:

As blind as I am
As cruel as you are
I always thought
You’d be my shining star

You keep calling me back to you
But what are friends for?
What if I travel around the world
And only see your face?

The music is joyful again and resolved. But it was a long trip getting there.

I cannot play her CDs around "The Man" anyway. Like I’ve said before, Abra breaks his little-girl-voice rule.  But I do listen to the CD often; it is on my iPod and the CD lives in my pick-up.  Frankly, it's a rare occasion that I can listen to this CD all the way through.  I can usually make it to “Melancholy Love” before it starts to get unbearable. Not the music, but the mood. The emotion that saturates the songs from “Family Affair” through “I Win” is overwhelming sad.

I’ve only been through one break-up since this CD was introduced into my collection. And to be honest, for a couple of months I listened to a lot of those Everything Changed heartbreakers. But that’s why people need music like this.

So Abra … I’m sorry you had to go through it. But … thank you so much for sharing it with us.